Blommit
1 week. 1 topic. 7 new friends
In a world full of doubt and despair, full of hatred and heartache, one beacon of hope stands strong: PEZ
Not only is it delicious, it’s a fun toy too.
Now who would want to fight over that?
A Plea for PEZ, A Plea for Peace
This week’s topic: Candy
Past
Topics
Kittens
Playgrounds
Daddies
Rainbows
Iran
Naps
Birthdays
It was a night darker than a Navajo tea party by the time I got home. He asked me, “Did you finish up out there in the lemon mines?” And I said, “Of course I finished uncorking the Cheerwine barrels out in the lemon mines. Now the geese can get in and feed. Sheesh, what kind of liverlilly do you take me for? I mean really! Take the eyeballs out of your pockets!” And he said, “You’re right mamma. I didn’t mean to be uncouth. Where did you put the corks?” Well, I couldn’t believe he’d ask that. He knew where they were. So I said, “I put them right where they always go, right in Can D.”
Mommies
Puppies
Cartoons
Masturbation
Toys
The Typical Life of a Swedish Fish
Take the Eyeballs Out of Your Pockets!
Lots of crazy things happen in Delaware. Especially after 2am at Blimpie. She was working behind the counter. Her scent was intoxicating. Innocence, beauty, and Italian dressing. I’ll never forget it. I’ll never forget her. She sent me a photo of herself after that night. I still have it on my phone
Her name was Candy. And I miss her.
Her name was Candy
Watch Out World, I’m Going Platinum
Ever since I was young I’ve had the entrepreneurial spirit raging within me (along side the stark-naked freedom fighter). That said, I tried making my bones with a lot of start-ups as a child, mostly of the confectionery nature:
Aunt Rita’s Rigatoni Log
Take one pound of Rigatoni pasta and fill each noodle with a Tootsie Roll. It’s so named because my Aunt Rita’s nips were wicked chapped...don’t ask why I know that.
Naked Nougat
Nougat by itself is pale, white, small, and wrinkly. So are my balls. I thought it would work. It didn’t.
Sprundles
This one actually didn’t take off until I hit college. The thing about Sprundles is you can only eat them if you’re drunk and naked. Fortunately I usually am. In order to prepare proper Sprundles you need a package of Sprees, a really good friend, and a fully unkempt taint. Lie on your back, flip your legs over your head and have your buddy place the Sprees throughout your grundle bundle. Voila! Fresh Sprundles. I might actually bring that one back to market.
Superheroes
Game Shows
Christmas
Movies
Global Warming
Cheese
Siblings
Holding Hands
Books
Pirates
Music
Ice Cream
Carrot Top
Kama Sutra
Crayons
Monkeys
Reading
Sports
Nature
Prison
The Sweet Sweet Smell of Success
Most people don’t know that the mythical Willy Wonka was actually a real person. Only HER name was in fact Wilhelmina Wonka. She used to pal around with Hemingway and Kerouac. The reason those two died such sad deaths? In ’58 Wonka broke up with Ernest to start seeing Jack. After 3 years without her, Ole’ Ernie decided to blow his brains out. Jack was so distraught over the suicide that he started drinking more than usual. A lot more. Eventually, in ’69, he kicked the bucket too. Wonka was a wreck. Both of her life’s loves were gone. In February of 1970, just outside of Cherry Hill, NJ, Wilhelmina Wonka threw herself into the back of a garbage truck. And that’s how Everlasting Gobstoppers got their name.
Wonka’s Worst Nightmare
